Waiting and Waiting

"My soul waiteth only upon God; from him cometh my salvation" -Psalm 62:1

A few weeks ago I grabbed this book on Waiting on God by Andrew Murray because I honestly didn't know what else to grab. I have been in a rough stage of life of just being sick and apathetic and really not caring about much. Just kind of going through the motions as much as possible. It's funny how it is so hard to get out of that way of thinking. Apathy creeps in then doesn't want to let go! So anyway I picked up this book just knowing that I really didn't want to read, but knowing my heart and soul told me there is no other way of life apart from Him. So it is funny because I feel like since I picked this book up I have been waiting on Him a lot.

Last week I spent two days waiting. Waiting on doctors!! Anybody been there. I waited for my doctor for over an hour for a 10 minute visit!! Then we I got in there he of course had trouble finding the babies heart beat. It felt like an eternity! I am sure it was more like a couple of minutes, but you know!! So then you hear it and it is in your stomach. I mean that never gets old. It is so surreal to hear that!! But amazing none the less. The next day was spent waiting for a cardiologist to look at Adam's heart. Our pediatrician heard a heart murmur last week and wanted us to get it checked out with an ECHO. So I am waiting again, this time with a two year old who just played and played. I can remember sitting there with Shane and just laughing at him. He is so very sweet and loves life. He is talking so much and just makes you laugh. It was a long week thinking and praying and well waiting. So to see his little heart on that screen pumping blood was simply amazing. To think that his heart started beating at 6 weeks in my stomach (now like this new little one) and for two years has kept him strong and healthy. I mean really how can you not believe that someone very special who loved him very much put that delicate yet super complicated heart in him. His heart looked very good and he felt there was nothing to be concerned with at this time. I can't tell you what a relief it was to hear that. However, at the same time it reminded me of my God's complete control. I mean Shane and I were like for almost 30 years now he has sustained our heart and I don't have to fear the unknown. My salvation (everything) comes from Him and I will wait. Even when I don't want to wait, I wait. He is good. Not because it gives us good health or financial blessings, but simply because He is. My blessings come when He takes my heart and changes it. When He lets me see Him! Truly see Him. It's been hard. Actually very hard. But I feel it to the depths of who I am that He is who He says He is! So today I continue to wait!

"I have waited for thy salvation, O Lord" -Genesis 49:18